Living in Limbo

We’ve been doing our best to simply soak up the downtime and the chill, calm nature of things here in Bonaire. Our current life status seems best described as being in limbo but in paradise.

Our days are unhurried, sun-drenched, and filled with the slow rhythm of sea breezes and exploring coral reefs. Our clocks/rhythym is set by he chirping of birds in the morning and the sunsets in the evening. It’s the perfect place to pass the time… even if our minds are often preoccupied with big questions.

What better to do than enjoy and distract ourselves - to focus on the beauty and nature around us while we kill some time and wait to see what future path awaits us?

We’ve been saying since packing up svKarma and heading to the airport in Tahiti that “the universe will decide” what’s next for us (and we've meant it)... but we honestly didn’t think it would take this long to get an answer.

These are the periods in life that used to drive me absolutely crazy.
Maybe it’s the ADHD, but I’ve long sought comfort by controlling the outcome—or at least in spending most of my time trying to. But these moments in between, where we clearly have no control, have always been my nemesis. This is usually where the old hard-wired stresses of finances or the unknown would creep back in and take the wheel.

This time, however, it feels mostly different. I’ve been embracing the unknown, allowing the universe more time to decide what’s next, and simply going with the flow. Not stressing about the outcome I can’t control. Not trying to force a change. And most importantly, not blowing up something that could turn out amazing simply because I’m too impatient to let it happen naturally.

Jen, however—these have always been the phases where she thrives. She’s always trusted fully that "the universe will provide" and that everything will turn out for the best. Not because she forces herself to believe that... quite the opposite. Her normal state is simply that of flow. No time spent thinking or worrying about it, no time spent trying to change anything—just enjoying and appreciating what’s right in front of her. Getting lost staring at the ocean while I impatiently waited for a screen to refresh or tried to fit yet one more tab across the top of my browser.

This quality of being present is one Jen shared with Karma the wonderdog, and I’ve simply been trying to be a good student of both for as long as I can remember.

So what exactly is our current state of limbo?

Well, somewhere along the line after leaving Tahiti, we started thinking about the idea that (assuming svKarma sold—and at that point we did have what seemed like a slam-dunk offer in the works but it fell through) we could pair the funds from that sale with those from our house sale and buy a new boat.

What? I know—crazy, right?
We agree.

But somewhere between the boat show in France and our arrival in Bonaire, we actively started dreaming about the possibilities. About starting over our boat/sailing experience—this time actually knowing how to sail.
About doing it all with a new boat, in new locations.

We started daydreaming about all the things we might do differently. About how we could better share the experiences and lifestyle with others rather than spending every moment trying to simply teach ourselves how to sail the thing. We even started to get excited about the idea of picking up a boat in Europe and spending a season (or more) exploring the Med with new or old friends onboard —something we had never even considered before our time there (yes, even despite the cold). 😉

We actually started picturing ourselves exploring the romantic fortified bays like the one we visited during the Excess Campus or hiking up to hillside chapels to enjoy the view of our boat anchored below. We started imagining ourselves casting off from some sleepy Mediterranean harbor at sunrise, sails full, espressos in hand, with the steep coastlines of Corsica or the cliffs of the Amalfi glowing in morning light.

But as we sit and wait, we’d be lying if we said we weren’t also paying attention to the timeline. If we don’t get an offer for svKarma soon, we’ll simply run out of time before storm season. At some point, it no longer makes sense to leave our boat in Tahiti (where storms are more common than other areas of French Polynesia). And it probably goes without saying that it doesn’t make much sense to own a boat you don’t live on—so by the time storm season rolls around, we’ll most certainly pack our bags and move back aboard.

We are not disappointed by that prospect. We’ve loved every second we’ve spent aboard Karma, and we still can’t imagine a sailing ground we’d rather be in than French Polynesia—especially the uninhabited atolls of the Tuamotus.

But... we’re also aware that the more time we spend thinking about a potential new boat—discussing specs, dreaming up upgrades, and imagining ourselves aboard—the more we risk potential disappointment if it doesn’t happen (even though we loved our life before those thoughts ever entered the picture).

That’s just how the human brain and emotions work, isn’t it? For now, its meant living with one foot on each potential path forward and trying to balance in between. In limbo.

So for now, we’re trying to remain as open as possible. We’ve done the work to make sure the opportunity of a new boat is available IF things fall into place, but we’re also keeping our options and our minds open just in case they don’t. We remain open to moving back aboard svKarma in French Polynesia because we know we can be very happy doing so.

And... in addition to working on being open and not forcing anything, I’ve also been working on my manifesting. Tossing little paper boats of intention into the current—quiet hopes drifting out into the universe, hoping they land somewhere we don't yet know we need to be. Simply putting good and positive thoughts out there about what we want—and assuming it will happen—rather than slipping into old habits of assuming it won’t. And definitely not falling back into the trap of becoming so impatient or stressed that I force it to fail - just to get to a known outcome earlier. Baby steps.

In the meantime, we enjoy the peace and calm and easy/convenient life that is living on land.

We snorkel with our underwater friends. We focus on health and happiness. We watch the sunsets and appreciate each other and this place—which, honestly, is incredibly easy to do here.

Back when we ran through our sticky-note brainstorm of possible paths forward, we were actually worried about coming back too early. We wondered if we might grow bored with the condo, with being stationary, with having a foundation under our feet. Worried we could feel "stuck" on land and on a small island with nowhere to go.

I suppose that could still happen someday—over a period of years or decades. But it has not been an issue since we got here. Quite the contrary!

Truth be told, our days typically fly by. As usual, there aren’t nearly enough hours to finish half the things on the to-do lists.

Between time spent in and under the water, I’ve been deep in boat and spec/upgrade research and also trying to teach myself about investing in crypto (y'know, to potentially pay for those upgrades), while Jen’s been studying for her captain’s license and absolutely diving into volunteer work on island.

She spends one morning a week helping to repopulate Klein Bonaire with native trees, another morning walking beaches in search of newly laid sea turtle nests, pitches in for shop hours with Bonaire Sea Turtle Conservation... and somehow still finds time for daily morning yoga, hitting the gym, researching, prepping and preparing healthy meals and has also been doing some mentoring calls.
It’s honestly been a sight to behold and she's absolutely killing it.

At this point I can’t help but laugh that we once (not long ago) thought boredom would be our biggest concern on island. Turns out, boredom hasn’t checked in once. Maybe it missed the memo.

The couple months we've now spent here have actually been just about perfect. It has made us even more excited to eventually return here and settle down at some point in our future. Biggest (or only concern) being how to have guests in this tiny condo so we can share it with others - yet somehow, we also know pretty clearly that we aren't quite ready to settle down or put a foundation under us.
At least not quite yet.