Manifesting (maybe too hard)

The deeper we dive into the pending decision about whether to buy a new boat has of course stirred up deep rooted questions about our next step/path, and while that discussion has stirred up many, many thoughts and emotions - it seems to mostly settle into a debate about whether our next phase continues to be about adventure or whether we want to settle in a bit and have a (literal) foundation under us.

I think most of our big life decisions have had an element of this, but the current discussion seems to have a more realistic consideration of the "stability" portion. Maybe its because as we approach a certain age it feels like we "should" be starting to consider the future, where we might live and how we might afford to live.

I made a joke a few nights ago after seeing some neighbors from a building nearby. We had visited their apartment a few years ago while on the island, and I joked to Jen during our sunset ritual that, “we might need to accidentally bump into them so that we can convince them to sell us their place.”

We’ve talked about that place before. It’s a two-bedroom - an easy fix for the one thing we worry about when it comes to living on Bonaire long-term.
Our current place is a one bedroom, and although we designed a murphy bed in the living area, it's not exactly ideal for hosting guests - especially strangers or those we don't know well.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my laptop, coffee in hand, and saw an email from those exact neighbors.
“I believe it’s been almost three years since we told you we wouldn’t be ready to sell for about three years,” it read. “So we wanted to let you know we’re almost ready to sell our home on Bonaire.”

I nearly spit my coffee out as I read it - then grabbed the laptop and headed out to sit next to Jen in the living room, where she was stretching and staring out over the ocean.

“Um, babe,” I started with a slight chuckle, “I think I might have manifested a bit too hard.”

I read her the email, and we shared an uncomfortable laugh, had a few moments of conversation, and then quickly realized it was going to take far more focus and attention - so we decided to pause the topic for later. After the conclusion of her stretching... and certainly after breakfast.

The universe can be a real comedian sometimes. We’ve made (as I’m sure most of you have) quite a few big, life-changing decisions over the years - and just when we think we’re settling into clarity about what we truly want, starting to finally imagine and plan for the initial stages of buying a new boat and finally letting that idea settle in - the universe throws us a detour or another option... just to see if we really meant it, to see what we really want.

This isn’t the first time (and doubtful it will be the last):

- An expensive roofing bill showed up just days before we planned to quit our stable, corporate jobs and run away and live in a van on the beaches of Mexico - to test how truly committed we were to quitting our comfortable jobs and shaking things up. We paid the bill, watched our trip savings plummet by 1/3, had some heart to heart pep talks and drove away anyway.
- An owner/seller in Mexico trying to squeeze another 10k out of us to buy an empty lot in San Pancho, Nayarit. A lot that we we had already drawn up plans to live on and develop for the next 5-10 years (he clearly didn't believe us when we told him it was literally our last dollars).
- An old sailor mentioning around a campfire in Alaska that boat life is a limited opportunity to embrace when you’re young while Vanlife can be done when you are older - just as we were launching a new startup and considering “settling down” in Portland to run that business (we put an offer on svKarma three days later and bought her sight unseen).

Seems the universe quite enjoys giving things a little "rattle" to see just how committed you are to your decisions/direction or how you’ll react, and we usually respond with laughter at her clever little nudges. Cheeky universe.

Then, of course, came days of deep dialogue and deeper/different discussions (and more sticky notes). Not because we needed to figure out what we truly wanted—that was easy.

We knew we wanted (and still want) both.
We want to buy the brand-new boat that we still don’t know how to afford (even with the new offer of using svKarma as a trade-in toward the purchase) for today, and we want the two-bedroom condo for our future - so we can comfortably invite loved ones and host guests in the future when we live here.

Okay, to be clear - most of the laughter here has been at ourselves, not at the universe. Our vision board says "hell yes". Our bank account, meanwhile, just gives an awkward cough, an odd look, and walks out of the room.

Just in case any of you haven’t been paying attention or haven't been around for a while - we quit our jobs in our mid-30s and ran away - choosing freedom and happiness over both money and things. We were very aware then (as we are now) that making that choice likely meant we shouldn't expect to own “nice things” (and yes, both boats and condos on islands definitely fall under that category)... certainly not to be able to have both.

Even in the last days aboard in French Polynesia, we caught ourselves saying out loud almost every time we returned to svKarma in our dinghy: “Who's beautiful boat is this?” or “Can you believe this is OUR boat?”
It’s not just the life or the boat we thought we could never have (right up until the moment we bought it) - it’s also our relationship and the love we share (which neither of us believed in right up until we found it).

That’s not to say we haven’t worked our asses off to make it all happen - both the lifestyle and the relationship.
We spent the early years working 60-80 hour weeks and choosing to invest our hours and dollars in renovating homes instead of partying.
We’ve started small businesses, worked 20+ hour days, and lived incredibly simply - 24/7 in spaces smaller than most people’s living rooms - for the last 13 years.

Even so, we are constantly surprised by what’s become possible in our lives. We feel nothing short of truly blessed. Gratitude floods out of our pores daily - and we’re constantly amazed by the opportunities we create for ourselves. Even more amazed that we’ve grown to dream of and expect even more.

It’s hard to explain, but somehow, these two people who still most identify as the broke couple "living in a van down by the river" (ocean), fueled only by love and dreams, have also come to believe - not just hope - that nothing is truly impossible.

I guess that's the problem with doing/chasing the crazy impossible thing and having it actually happen - at some point you start to believe just about any crazy stupid thing can turn out better than you possibly imagine.
Probably because so far... it’s proven to be true.

It’s also proven to be a strange but common mix - of having faith in the magic and a worksheet full of all possible outcomes and worst-case scenarios.

And that is how two people who have spent the last few months saying they can’t possibly afford a brand-new boat suddenly find themselves trying to figure out how to buy that boat and to buy a condo they can’t afford at the same time. Welcome to the chaos that is our daily lives. (No, we don’t yet have an answer. Yes, we’re still working on it.)

Our conversations have spanned from launching a YouTube channel, to selling everything we own (including our last investment property/last semblance of "security" we have left back home), to taking out loans (increasingly difficult when you’ve been delightfully unemployed for years), to tokenizing our property as crypto or pre-selling stays to people who want to join us on the boat or to vacation in the condo.

Honestly? We’re still brainstorming.
We can’t seem to give up - maybe because giving up would force us to choose again, between joy today and comfort tomorrow. Honestly, we caught ourselves thinking that choice was easy a few days ago - but that was only because we didn't actually have the choice to make. Careful what you ask for.

So far in life (at least for the last 13years) - we have constantly chosen the path that meant living our best life fully right NOW. Despite what the masses/society tell us, despite the very sage advice from our financial planner (who, honestly EXCELS at his job should anyone be in need of the name of a financial advisor... we apparently just aren't great at listening to the advice given), and despite what common logic and our bank account often tells us.

The question we've probably gotten more than any other over they years is
“What if you run out of money too soon?”.
It's a valid question, but also rooted in the fears we've all been told to hold.
Our most common response has been simply,
“But what if you die before you get the chance to spend it?”

Clearly, the ideal scenario is to plan for and do both -and I’m increasingly aware as we get older that at some point we should make at least the occasional decision for security vs 100% focused on living for today...
But we’re apparently not yet sure that point is now.

I blame Jen, of course.
Her entire ethos is “the universe will provide” and “everything will turn out even better than we could possibly imagine.”
And, annoyingly... so far, she’s been right.

I also blame the wise old Mexican man we met years ago.
We asked him a tough question at a pivotal moment in our lives:
“How do you know when to take the leap versus when to play it safe?”
He sipped his tequila anejo, stared at the surf rolling into the bay, and simply said:
“As long as you’re young enough to recover—always take the leap.”

We were so awestruck that it might as well have been the Buddha himself.
Of course, we forgot to ask exactly how one know's if you’re still young enough to recover...
But for now, we’re assuming we’ll know before then.
And until we do—why change what’s clearly not broken?

I'm not sure I know exactly what to do with, what to call or how to describe the current discussions and creative thoughts spinning around us. I think it's fair to say that most would call them nothing short of delusional - but given our lives so far - it seems there's a very fine line between delusion and creation.

We’ll keep you posted as things become more clear.
Until then - be well, friends!

Oh, and if anyone happens to:

• Have any creative ideas (mostly financial ones)
• Have money they're able/would like to lend (in exchange for full loan repayment and a package of future stays onboard or in our favorite oceanfront island condo)
• Wants to reserve future stays (either with us aboard or in an island condo) in advance
• Wants to book a “Breakaway Retreat” or some 1-on-1 coaching/mentoring about chasing your own dreams
  
  Reach out and let’s talk!