Trade-ins and Trade-offs

Okay… this is a big deal.
And if I’m honest, we're not entirely sure how we feel about it yet — which makes it the perfect time to write and see if it becomes clearer by the end.

Just last week we wrote about sitting in the unknown — not knowing what the universe has in store. Turns out, the universe may have already been halfway through writing our next chapter.

As many of you know, we've been floating for several months now, waiting on svKarma to sell to see/know what our future holds. We even posted a blog post about "living in limbo" just last week.

Luckily, Bonaire has been providing plenty of beauty and entertainment, so we've been fine not knowing... but also keenly aware of the days counting down until storm season officially begins in the South Pacific, and the fact that (if what our future path is moving back aboard) we likely want to be back in Tahiti within 30–60 days. Wow.

We've been manifesting hard and putting all our energy into the perfect buyer finding and falling in love with svKarma. Some couple or family who wants to live and sail aboard her and continue our exploration/adventures in French Polynesia (so that we can continue to check in on her and see what beautiful waters she's sitting in).

This trend has actually turned into a key part of the lifestyle we've somehow accidentally created over the years — not only enjoying our own adventures but also living vicariously through those we've connected with along the way.

In some cases, that means following along with new friends we've met over sundowners as they post on social media, write blog posts (or those with fancy youtube channels following their travels).
In others it's often a client we became close friends with while designing a groovy loft space or ADU for them to live in. Or someone who became close friends over the months we spent working together to design/build a van to fit their future adventures (like the custom van build (though from her perspective really more of a DIY-plus build) we delivered/sent out recently after months of designing and managing portions of the build for her from afar).
She recently decided to name her van "Zelda the zen van". Love it!

I feel so grateful for the opportunity to continue to work with people who "get it" and to help support them in building the symbol of their own adventures/dreams.
Also very true in the case of people we've helped (and/or are currently helping) to guide or mentor along the way as they seek their own freedoms/adventures or even just through navigating their own life changes.

Yes, we are still seeking more and more opportunities for community and better ways of connecting with everyone in it - but we also feel VERY lucky to have such a broad/diverse collection of people inspiring/supporting us and at least a small few are inspired/supported by us as well.

In this case, we would be checking in for updates and photos from a couple/family in the remote atolls we love dearly and aboard a boat that will always be a member of the family...
but - there it is again, that reality/realization that right now - that couple living aboard - would still be us (I knew I recognized them). ;)

This mental/emotional cycle has been absolutely laughable over the last few months as we begin to think we know whats happening only to flip full circle to knowing its something else completely. Living with one foot along either path while they veer off in different directions.

BUT - Things may have just taken a bit of a potential shift, however — when our broker David got really creative and tossed out something that stopped us cold:
"what if SailTahiti took Karma as a trade-in?"

"Wait — what? Trade-ins are for cars. Not boats...
Right?"

Honestly, we didn't realize this was even a possibility for boats... but if we agree (and/or if all other things fall into place.. it does create some additional money issues, which were already far too tight to begin with), that means we could actually find ourselves doing the thing that seemed crazy and impossible (at the very least) not so very long ago. We could find ourselves living aboard a new boat.

That... is insane.

Our road to get here has been nothing short of crazy — from being at the point where we had to list Karma for sale because money was running (very) tight and our house back home not selling after 9months on the market - to the house finally selling and then having to have some very deep conversations about what we truly want in life (with all options on the table from boatlife to vanlife to a foundation under our feet to backpacking Europe to many, many others...).

Our conversations led to the inevitable decision that we still want ALL of those things in our life, but as we spent a bit of time touring AUS by van and AirBnB-hopping around Europe, it became VERY clear to us that what we really want is to be back on the water. Even returning here to Bonaire (which is among the best shore diving/snorkeling destinations in the world) hasn't filled the need to be not only near the ocean or staring at the ocean but ON the ocean.

Of course, the easiest and most affordable way to do that would be to simply fly back to Tahiti and sail svKarma out of the marina and back to those remote atolls... but somewhere along the line, we also started picturing something different. A new and different boating experience, in a new location and on a new boat.

That all started very innocently — a few conversations with the Bali team about a newer, slightly larger version of Karma. Then an arguably poor choice to visit the Boat Show while we were in France... which really started things spinning. At the time we would have told you there was a 20% chance (at best) that we would end up with a new boat, and if we did it - would be another Bali.

We enjoyed several things we saw at the boat show, but it was us jumping at any opportunity to be out on the water that really changed things.
When we said yes to a sea trial of the Excess13, I don't think we could have possibly imagined our mindset and goals shifting so dramatically.

Suddenly, when we shut our eyes and pictured a new boat, it wasn’t always the same boat. It didn't alway look and feel like Karma. Sometimes it was completely foreign and looked and felt like something we hadn't experienced before. That was equal parts exciting and terrifying, and the costs associated were even more daunting.

Now...
Now it sounds a LOT like the major hurdle keeping us from "having to" make a final decision just cleared itself out of our way. Part of us wants to jump for joy and be elated, part of us is terrified at the very possibility, and part of us simply feels like it's not real/possible at all. But for the first time in months, we’re allowing ourselves to dare to picture it. Not hypotheticals, but the idea of us, actually moving aboard a new boat, starting over... all over again.

That default to cautiously questioning - is not unlike us... we've been burnt many times by many "opportunities" that seem too good to be true and now find ourselves in some odd combination of continually trusting in the universe while relatively un-trusting of people with deals.

I mean, to be fair, it's from experience. From other dreams and paths foraged only to get excited about the prospect and have them yanked out from under us:
-- We once bought a property in Utah we were told was an "up and coming neighborhood" only to later find out that our new home/investment was full of squatters and had been serving as both the drug house and town brothel for years. True story... which took us years of blood, sweat, tears and dollars to get out of.

-- We also bought (or thought we bought) a property in Mexico, planning/preparing to spend the next 5 years of our lives living on that land, stacking up shipping containers as we could afford them and converting them into an art studio/gallery and eventually hostel/hotel we had designed with the idea it could serve as a gathering/stopover for other vanlife travelers driving the Pan-American highway, before the deal got rug-pulled at the last moment - by a seller who thought he could get more money out of us (joke was on him... as it was already every dime to our names including pulling our 401ks etc).

-- We lost our vanlife passion-project-turned-business to a 20+ year friend (who we GAVE 50% of our business to... as well as a nice salary and profit sharing - deep sigh) when he decided to burn it all to the ground rather than allow us to buy his portion back from him.

-- Even as recently as last year we joined a co-author group to tell a small part of our story - excited to help others and hopefully to change the world. Only to realize (after speaking publicly at the book launch event) that things weren't quite as they appeared and our instincts told us to start backing away.
The founder of that series has now lost 3 different court cases in 4months - finding with/for his past clients based on the evidence showing he lied about his credentials to sign up clients. Once we started digging, it seems clear he has what at least appears to us to be a "highly questionable" past and we saw and talked with several past clients still hoping to get their money (for some their life savings) back - from projects ranging from crypto to real estate to film production and now publishing/coaching)... again, deep sigh.

I could go on, there's certainly more to list - but what's the use... there's no time for crying about the bad decisions or encountering bad actors along the way when you're busy trying to make the next impossible dream a reality.
But - it's also fair to say that at this point in our journey, we prefer to make our own luck and build our own foundation rather than relying upon others.

Yet... here we are.
Letting this new idea of an offer/potential path forward to settle in, seeing how we feel about it, and trying to figure out what it means if we actually say yes. Turning it over in our minds, running through all the what-ifs and what's-nexts we can imagine.

As it often goes in big life changes, moving that first/visible hurdle only opens up the line of sight to many other obstacles lying ahead — from funding that thing you've been dreaming of to all the other logistical nightmares that may come along with it.

We haven’t even said yes yet, and already, the fear is all too real. We’re already questioning our sanity while also starting to allow our minds and hearts to picture it. For the first time allowing myself to start sketching or modeling the boat in 3D to consider projects/upgrades (just like I did with svKarma and just like we have done before purchasing any home/project we've ever tackled).

But maybe that chaotic mental and emotional ping-pong is simply part of how this goes (regardless of how much more comfortable we might now be with the process)...
The leap always feels 100% impossible - right up until you realize you're looking back up at the cliff from the calm waters below.

Which is telling in and of itself... because as much as our brains still tell us it isn't possible, that there is simply no way we could ever afford to be sitting on a new boat (which, should NOT be surprising for a couple who quit their jobs 13 years ago and decided to give up money and the things it can buy in order to run away and in search of freedom and happiness) — it means we are still very much imagining ourselves doing just that.

One thing is very clear - these are those decisions that you know right upfront are highly likely to be one of only two things. Whatever side of the coin you choose... it is almost certainly NOT going to be anywhere in the middle of the spectrum.
Some choices you simply know going in will be either one of the absolute best decisions you've ever made — or the absolute worst.
There is nothing in between.